"Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand." -- Baruch Spinoza

This is my third day in a row of morning pages -- today I actually wrote in the morning! -- and already I am reawakening my original suspicion about them, developed in 2008, that they really are magical. Of course I do not mean magic as in The Sorcerer's Apprentice, but more along the lines of something powerful. There is something to be said for writing one's ramblings and purging one's mind for a few minutes each day. For me, that act allows my brain to look for other entertainment, other thoughts and ideas. Usually, after a few days of pages my novel's plot jumps into focus and I know what happens next, or I have clarity for the direction my week should take, or I have more energy.

Or, like today, I wake up with a vivid dream about something that has been troubling me and I don't know what to do about it. And so I write. I write and write and write, hoping to put that troubling thing aside or find the answer, thinking that there is some mystery buried in the dream, in my subconscious, if only I can reach it.

Since I cannot seem to find the answers for which I am searching, I turn instead to continue my reading in the first chapter of The Artist's Way. This, it seems to me, is a more productive use of time and may, eventually, trick my subconscious into shedding more light on certain subjects. The chapter today seems most fitting because it discusses "core negative beliefs" that block one's creativity as an artist. It discusses using positive affirmations to find and rid one's self of negative beliefs. Cameron suggests picking an affirmation and repeating it to see what happens, so here it goes:

I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.
I, MCB, am a brilliant and prolific writer.

Sure enough, my Censor (whom I like to call my Guilt Monster) rears its ugly head as I am writing and says all sorts of terrible things about me and my talent as I am trying to create positive affirmations. No surprise there. Having grown up in a culture where Guilt reigned supreme, I should not be surprised that my Guilt Monster wants to stick around. It's cozy here, warm and welcoming, and what's a homeless Guilt Monster to do? And so I keep him, throw him a bone, and continue blocking my own creativity.

Not any more!  I am sorry, Mr. Monster, but I am afraid that I will have to let you go. I know that this may take some time. You can be cute and furry and comforting and I am used to having you around, but I am afraid that you will have to go. You keep hurting me, and so I am going to build a shield that I can use in my defense until you finally decide to leave. This shield is made out of positive affirmations, just look:

I am creative.
I am a writer.
I am a good, brilliant, prolific, funny writer.
I am allowed to nurture my Artist.
My creative talents are a blessing and a gift and I will use them.

"Undoubtedly, we become what we envisage." -- Claude M. Bristol