Week Five: Possibility

It seems that I may need to switch my plans and schedule a bit and have both morning and evening pages.  One of the suggestions in Week Five of The Artist's Way is to create a list of areas where we would need or like guidance -- write this list in the evening before bed, and then think about it and write about those thoughts the next morning during morning pages.  I have found that I tend to dream up solutions (quite literally!) to problems or issues and so this suggestion makes sense to me.

This chapter is all about being open to the sense of possibility, to the knowledge that God or the Universe or the Great Creator actually has limitless possibilities available to us: we are the ones that limit ourselves.  Synchronicity, something I've discussed a few times on this blog already, is one of the ways in which I see limitless possibilities stretch before me.  It may sound silly or ridiculous to others -- and that's okay, because I am learning not to care about what other people think (or at least I want to get to a place where negative opinions no longer debilitate me).  Yesterday I wrote that if I had all the time in the world I would perhaps learn to sew a bit more. Today I think the universe gave me a message: What are you waiting for??  I stumbled upon this tutorial for a levi apron and it looks cute, fun, easy, but a bit of a step up from what I've been doing.  I think I'm going to try it!  And then we'll see what else I can try.  True, it's not sewing lessons and I'm not looking for anything more complicated than sewing in a straight line, but it should be fun.

And maybe this new desire to sew, to create, to paint, to do all these things will lead to creating my own little space.  I've always wanted a closet-office or cloffice -- and not like the dark, ugly little cubby-hole at work with its industrial-yellow walls and lack of windows.  No, I want a cute space that is organized and accessible, where I can retreat by myself.  This may take some time.  Not only do I not have an available closet right now, I also don't have the money to get a desk, organizational bins, and all the other things that in my mind are a part of this beautiful space.  But that's okay -- those things will come in time once I give myself the space to work.

In this week's chapter, there is a section called The Virtue Trap, and it is something to which I can relate very well.  It's so much easier, it seems, to give up what I really want in favor of other people and their needs.  That's what we're told to do from an early age: don't be selfish, put others first, always be helpful.  There are times when I do just want to be left alone.  I want quiet.  I want to work on my own projects in my own time.  I still love helping people, serving others.  It's just that sometimes I, like I imagine many others, forget to take care of myself.  And I think that I forget that by taking care of myself I am more equipped to take care of others.  It is a lesson that I've been trying, recently, to learn.

So the tasks this week will be interesting.  Hopefully we have sunny weather so that Lotus and I can go on plenty of walks as I think about these things.

1. List ten things I would love to do but don't feel "allowed" to do.
2. List ten wishes, even if they're frivolous. 
3. The reason I can't really believe in a supportive God...list five grievances (As Julia Cameron says, "It's okay, God can take it." :-)
4. Start an image file of pictures that correspond with If I had faith or money I would try...
5. List (again) five imaginary lives and see if anything has changed. Find images to match.
6. If I were 20 and had money...list five adventures and find pictures to match.
7. If I were 65 and had money...list five postponed pleasures and find pictures to match.
8. Ten ways I am mean to myself are...
9. Ten items I would like to own that I don't are...
10. My favorite creative block is...(I think I'll explore the ramifications of this last one in my morning pages).

There are plenty of tasks for the week.  Thankfully, most involve collecting images, and that is something I love to do.  For over a year I've been wishing for one of those really old photo albums, the kind with the sticky clear plastic film on each page, so that I can keep images that I like in one place.  I haven't found one yet, so maybe I'll just collect things here, on this blog...or maybe this week I'll find the photo album.  Anything can happen.