Saturday, October 15, 2011

The phone works both ways...or does it?

Last week I came to the conclusion that I would need to allow my relationship with The Cougar to end.  And although the twelve-months-ago me would have argued vehemently against this relationship ever ending, the last week me knew it was the right thing to do -- just not how to do it.  How does one pull out the cords from lives that have been completely intertwined for years?  (Sometimes, I wish that life came with a life's-messy-problems-seam-ripper.)  After a bit of thought, a bit of talking with an amazing woman I really respect, and a bit of input from Honey (who tends to remain very grounded, especially during my flighty moments), I decided that the best way to let this particular tapestry by The Fates dissolve would be to just not initiate anything on my side of the friendship.

Today I realized that I haven't heard from The Cougar in over a week.

I'm not sure what that means on her end, but I think that it means that my policy of not initiating -- not making sure she has someone to talk to after work, inviting her over for meals, making sure things are taken care of and she has the support to get through life -- is working on my end. The tapestry is dissolving before my eyes.

I have decided to let a quote attributed to Dr. Seuss be my motto in terms of this relationship: Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

For me, it truly seems over, although I imagine there will be a state of flux for several months at least. (Of course I imagined that last week and look at how that turned out, so maybe I'm through the flux already.)  This is one relationship where I will still be able to look at old pictures and smile and laugh because the memories are good.  It's just that sometimes memories are not enough to keep something moving in the right direction. And sometimes, when on life's journey with a friend, it's okay to look at a fork in the road and decide to go in separate directions.

I read a quote on Pinterest recently and the quote really resonated with me (I wish I knew who wrote or said it): At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

So bear with me for a while as I get nostalgic. Learning to let go is a lesson I have not yet mastered, but it seems that every year I get a chance to work on it a bit more.

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