My "kids" are the best in the world!

Today I was having a minor crisis.  This happens every time I have to look for a job, which, unfortunately, is more often than I would like. (Note: if you think you can change the world for the better, you may not be well-liked in some education circles, especially if you are effective in what you do. At least that has been my experience.)  In looking for a job I thought, why don't I just go back to teaching high school? I loved it and it was easier and had better hours than my current job, and sadly, it would actually pay a lot more. (Note #2: When the meager pay of a high school teacher is an improvement over your current salary, you are in the wrong job.)

Confession: I have two Facebook profiles.  One is locked and secure and is for my family and very close friends.  The second is for my former students.  Once all of those former students turn 21, then I'll probably combine the two, but until then, things are separate.  This has to do with my paranoia.  I have a deep-set fear that some 19 year-old would happen to see that Honey makes wine and then somehow it would spiral into a statewide newspaper story about how a teacher's low morals is corrupting the youth.  No thank you!

This afternoon, I posed a modified version of my dilemma on my "student FB": I'm thinking of returning to the classroom while I figure out what it is I want to do with life.  The responses made me laugh and cry and made me incredibly proud of my wonderful, intelligent kids.  I decided to keep these responses here on my blog so that I always remember.  If I'm tempted to think about this in the future, I'll have the voices of my kids running through my head.  (Ignore any grammar issues, as I have learned to do -- I am convinced that if I had four years with any of these kids they would now have proper grammar, but as it is I was only in various schools for a few years at a time.)
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KC: You were one of my most memorable teachers even though I only had you in my freshman year. Good luck with the search and I hope you find something you love, you are an amazing educator! Thank you for keeping in touch with me over the years :)

JH (Not a former kid -- the mother of one of my kids!): Just your presence in the classroom makes the school a better place! People of every age KNOW when someone cares for them (or not), and you DO. :)

FN (who asked if I gave up on becoming the Superintendent of Public Instruction for my state, and when I replied that it's no longer an elected position and I didn't have the connections to get appointed for the next term (four years from now) said): So what you're saying is you gave up before even trying??? Lol yes connections would be a huge advantage to getting closer to the job, but who says that's the only route to take?? If it _IS_ your dream then why quit? I mean what would have been the point of becoming Dr. B-- if you're just gonna go back to teaching social studies to high school students when you did that before you even had that title? Lol don't get me wrong, you were a really great teacher, but I feel you can do even more for us all as the Superintendent of Public Instruction for --- :) dreams don't die Ms. B--, maybe altered, but still with the same concept... [a few comments later] Honestly, I felt some of the staff at our school were a little careless about us lol most were great but even then, when it came down to helping us succeed, only a small amount actually tried..
Its not so much that I'm trying get you to feel guilty :) I'm just trying to help you see that the things you have done in the past as just a teacher were great and influenced us to become better young adults, but now that you have a new title you should aim higher and help a larger amount of students and even teachers to reach their full potential by improving schools across ---.. and say that the Superintendent of Public Instruction is not the place that you were looking for, then search for the next best thing and along the way you're leaving us with a great example of someone pursuing their dreams when not many people can truly do that... remember how you use to push us to reach our full potential? Do you think becoming just a teacher is your own or in a way your limit of potential? Cuz I feel you can do sssoooooooo much more :)

SK: [FN] you make lots of good points. I agree and Ms.-- I truly believe in you and know that you can do whatever you put your mind to I believe you will somehow drastically change the face of education. You were the only teach who ever pushed me so hard and you know I always succeeded and I have you to thank for pushing me and helping me understand I was capable of things I didn't know I could do. Somehow you knew my potential and even though you may not know it or see it I believe in you, I want my future children to know your name and somehow have a better education because of you. GO MS. ----!!!

 My response: My children, you are all amazing and so encouraging! Really, you are incredible and I am so proud of each and every one of you! I was reading your comments to -----, who said "I agree with your kids." He's been trying to get me to see these points for a long time, to push for something truly worthwhile and help a lot of people. I felt that I was able to do that to some extent this past school year -- I worked with teachers to help them learn how to improve their own teaching and I worked with a student teacher to get him to see how much more he could do to help students. Honestly, it's a lot easier in a high school classroom because as a high school teacher I could see improvement in all my students as the weeks passed. Working with teachers or soon-to-be-teachers means that I have to work in a much larger system, and the larger a system is the more problems it generally has, which is rather frustrating. But I guess more problems means more areas for improvement and I do love improving systems.

There are a few things that I've thought about doing:
1) Open a school (I'm actually working with a friend on this idea right now, so we'll see if something opens by 2012).
2) Teach pre-service teachers in a college (so they actually understand what it's really like and push themselves and then in turn push their students to succeed so that we have fewer of the teachers who just let kids slide, as F---- noticed happened when he was in school)
3) Doing some sort of professional development work with teachers to help them improve their practice (which is what I've been doing this year but my current job goes away in July)
4) Create some sort of business that goes into schools and looks at their systems and helps them figure out how to fix them (of course like I pointed out earlier, this requires adults who acknowledge the need for change)
5) Become the Superintendent of Public Instruction for ----, or, similarly, do something that would allow me to work on a national level (Secretary Arne Duncan, I have some ideas for you!).

You are right, my wonderful children, I would never accept anything less than your absolute best, so I will keep pushing forward myself and see where that leads. You are all amazing and I expect to hear that you are incredibly successful in life. Thanks for your encouragement!! :-)

SK (again): You know as I wrote the last comment I thought to myself how odd it felt to be giving you of all people encouragement but I guess we all need it sometimes! And I will be the best dental assistant I can be and you can be the best at what ever calls you to action in education. Ps I really hope you can come to my wedding next week it would really mean a lot to me. 

FN (again): nice! great plan, now lets see some results in the future =] 
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I do tend to hear nice things from former students and I keep in touch with quite a few of them.  Perhaps that's one of the reasons why I considered returning to the classroom -- I do love it and I can see results almost immediately.  But my kids are right: I need to push myself and be the best I can be.  Where or what that is, I don't know exactly.  But I will learn.  And then I will share with my kids. 

A blog award, a tired lady, and a nearly finished degree

Today I had my dissertation defense.  Yay and yikes.  As you probably know if you follow my blog, I work in education.  For a number of years I was a high school teacher and now I work in higher ed.  That means that I stand in front of people for a living and I talk.  So why is it that I am always nervous when I have to stand and talk in a new context?  I don't tend to much makeup on a regular basis (just mascara -- and my tattooed eyeliner, of course), but on days that I know I'll be speaking in front of people then I put on the works because I end up turning the color of a tomato.  Seriously.  I can't wear dress shirts because I am worried about perspiration and so I end up in blazers and nylons (also usually foreign to me) in an effort to mask my nervousness.

Today was no exception.  I spoke in front of my committee and I was nervous.  Nevermind that I edit theses and dissertations and know that mine is pretty decent.  Nevermind that I have known the members of my committee for a while and I actually work in the same building as they do (although I don't really work with them).  I was nervous.  And it turns out I had a right to be.  I was hoping that I would hear Well done, good and faithful servant, but I knew that was unlikely.  Instead I heard "Fix these things and get the updated draft in by Friday morning."  That overshadowed the more exciting part -- I'll be done by Friday -- with the more immediate notion of additional loss of sleep between now and then.  Oy. Vey. Seriously.

In the meantime I try to remind myself that this was a good response, that dissertations aren't meant to be the be-all-end-all in research, and that I just need to be done.

In slightly more positive news, my contract at my work has been extended through July.  Yay!  It still means that I will need a new job afterward, but I have a bit more breathing room while I look for something (which will prove difficult because as of today there were fewer than 50 jobs in education in this state -- at least 50 jobs for which I qualify -- and all but three are more than a 60 minute one-way drive -- and I qualify for a lot, so that should give you some indication of the state of things here).

In much more positive news, Kelly over at BlueBirdSews gave me a blogging award today!  YAYYYYY!!!!  Wasn't that so incredibly sweet?  It made my day and brought this sleep-deprived, brain-befuddled girl a bit of a smile and happiness.  If you haven't seen her blog you really must visit -- and now that I know that she lives in the Northwest and grows eggplant (which I've never been able to grow successfully), I am definitely going to bug her for her secrets!  She also makes the most wonderful quilting tutorials that are perfect for people like me who want to quilt but have no idea how.

I will respond with my good blogger duties and post the award and a bit about me and then pass it along...but not tonight.  Now it's time to head to bed.  At least it's not 4AM this time. :-)

It *is* a happy Friday! An award-filled day!

It really is the simple things in life that make life beautiful. Simple things, like an adorable kitty, a colorful stir fry, a nice bottle of wine. And like a wise person once said, the best things in life are free.  So, what do you get when you combine something simple with something free?  A blogger award! And it really does seem like one of the best things in life that makes life just that much more beautiful.

My BlogFriend, Christina @ The Tattered Tag (who just reached the 100-follower mark -- congratulations!), bestowed upon me two blogging awards.  

Yay for awards

What, me?  Really??  This is such an honor!! I feel this way especially because I've only really been blogging since January and I have a small following. This blog is about my journey through creative recovery and I feel thankful for the people who are along for the ride.

So how does this award work?  I'm so glad you asked!

• Thank and link back to the person who bestowed the award on you.
• Share seven random things about yourself.
• Nominate 15 other bloggers (share the love!!)
• Contact the bloggers and inform them of the award.

  
So here are seven random things about me:

1. While I love to craft, create, and give gifts to people, I absolutely hate wrapping gifts. (Seriously, people are lucky if it comes in a gift bag. Count yourself double-lucky if that gift bag also included tissue paper.)
2. I love coffee and tea, and my favorite tea in the whole world is the Earl Grey from Allann Bros., a local coffee roasting company. 
3. Few things make me happier than listening to Sam Cooke and Roy Orbison while cooking in the kitchen.
4. My favorite colors are shades of orange and blue, which is why just about every room in my house is painted with some variation of those colors.
5. Teaching is my passion, and while I love teaching and working with adults, which is what I do now, I miss "my kids," because few things are quite as fun as teaching high school.
6. I am completely addicted to NPR and OPB and go into serious withdrawals when I can't get my daily fix.
7. My breakfast consists of a cup of coffee and a toasted english muffin and it has been that way for years. I love english muffins and would eat them for every meal if I could. Seriously, they are that good.

Were those facts random enough?  

And now the moment that you've all been waiting for -- the passing of the awards!  I am awarding

1. Shiree @ pistolsnprincesses
2. Melanie @ You Made That
3. Nicole @ Thrifty Decorating
4. Allyson @ No Place Like Our Home
5. Kristen @ Just Live Simply
6. Jonie Marie @ Just Between Friends
7. Cassie @ Hi, Sugarplum!
8. Brandi @ Don't Disturb This Groove
9. Judy @ DIY by Design
10. Ellen @ Creative Passage
11. Tracie @ Cleverly Inspired
12. Lisa @ A Vintage Vine
13. Nicole @ A Home for A Bunny
14. CAS @ An Oasis in the Desert
15. Courtney @ A Thoughtful Place

There.  Whew, that was a lot of work!  There are so many wonderful people with blogs out there that I want to recognize everyone!  But we'll stick with 15 for now, since those are the rules. :-)  Check out these amazing women and their blogs -- you'll be glad that you did!

And thanks again, Christina @ The Tattered Tag.  You are amazing!

Week Two Check In

I've decided to run with the spirit of the law, not the letter of it.  If I were to look at what I accomplished last week in Week Two of The Artist's Way and base my judgments merely on what I did in relation to the tasks at the end of the chapter, I would be disappointed.  Have a look for yourself:

• Determine where my time goes by listing five major activities and how much time I spent on them, dividing the list by "shoulds" and "wants." -- I did not do this, even though I thought about it.
• List 20 things I enjoy doing and the last time I did each thing. -- I didn't do this. Or, to be more specific, I started this list. Then I wrote down more things in my morning pages, but I didn't follow up with when I did each activity. 
• Out of that list, find two things to do this week -- even if it's only for 15 minutes. -- I did things that I enjoy, but not based off a list (I didn't create the list in the first place!)
• Re-read my affirmations. -- I'll give this a sort-of. I skimmed the list to re-affirm myself and my direction, but I was not present/intentional in my readings. (Tsk, tsk!)
• List ten imaginary lives (things I think in my dreams, if I were another me, I'd do) and see if there's some activity I could do that's related to a pretend Me. (Confession: One imaginary life is be a singer, like a singer of showtunes or Big Band classics. Today, I indulged in that a big by singing "Don't Rain on My Parade" at the top of my lungs in my car. It was no Carnegie Hall, but then again I'm no Barbara. I think we'll call it even for the week.) -- A bit here.
• List ten "tiny" changes, then see about setting one in motion. -- Nada. Although I will say that the first thing that popped into my mind when I read this originally was "get a new cover for the duvet!" Needless to say, that is on the "sometime in the future" list.

I would be pretty disappointed with myself if I only viewed my accomplishments, my growth as an artist, my journey of self-discovery as check-marks on the way to a goal. Instead I have taken the bold (for me) step to believe that self-discovery, recovery, and becoming an artist is more about the journey and the beauty in the road than it is about the destination.  To that end I can say that in Week Two I accomplished these things:

• I posted on the blog at least once -- sometimes more often! -- each day.
• I wrote my "morning pages" every day.
• I wrote a couple mini-stories, like the one here.
• In addition to the stories that I shared, I started writing a short story for children. It's not done yet, but when I finish I may post on the blog for some feedback.
• I had an Artist's Date that was fairly successful, at least for my first attempt at any sort of painting.
• I spent some time thinking about things that I love and I already have things to add to that particular list.
• I spent some time looking at various crafty blogs, which inspired me to create more art. In fact, in the beginning of Week Three I've already done a few crafty things like make my own recipe for soup and reclaim a picture frame and I am looking forward to the end of the week and my official Artist's Date.

So all in all I think that I am moving in the right direction. Two weeks down, 34 to go. What will the future bring?

Reach for the stars

I think that I may be missing out on some interesting editorials by not having a subscription to The Oregonian. Today I read yet another article provided by my mother, this one entitled "Time for Oregon schools to stretch" by John Tapogna, published August 2, 2009. This article tackled the issue of the Obama Administration's school reform plans. Recently the focus has been on health care, and the idea of education reform has quietly tiptoed toward the back of the stage, perhaps hoping that it can avoid becoming a hotly debated issue.

I must admit, I have not had a chance to look over reform proposals in detail. In fact, I am having a bit of trouble finding concrete evidence and examples of these proposals, but I do know that reform is in the educational air -- and it is about time. What was once effective and beneficial to the majority of students is now not good enough -- especially since we see evidence of American school children falling farther and farther behind their counterparts in other industrialized nations. John Tapogna is a "consultant" on educational issues, and since I don't know what that means nor what his background is, I am just going to take his word for now on some of the things that he says in his article (with the plan of researching things a bit more). It appears that the Obama Administration has a few core beliefs regarding education, at least according to Tapogna:

• School districts do not engage in enough evaluations
• School districts change course too frequently
• Because of the first two points, it's hard to determine what is actually proven to impact achievement. We do know that "high-quality preschools," reading tutors, and small class sizes (at least in younger grades) have some impact.

Honestly, that is not much -- three bullet-points? But the more I engage in educational research, the more I find that our information about what is truly effective in producing results over the long-term is sadly lacking. There are thousands of books and articles and guides for education, but looking for genuine research and replicable results is like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack. It has been done to some extent by Marzano & the people at McRel, who publish meta-analyses that are extremely useful. But other than that, what research-based evidence do we have on what it takes to close the achievement gap? (And why, might I ask, do districts continue to ignore the few traits that we know for sure make a difference -- like smaller class sizes?)

One of the directions that the Obama Administration wants to take is toward evidence of teacher quality. The Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan, thinks that mining test data might be a good way to begin the discussion around improving teacher quality. (I, for one, think that if he wants this battle he is going to have to fight uphill the whole way, but that opinion is perhaps best left to another blog.) As I was reading the article it brought to mind several other pieces of information I've gleaned over the years: there are many teachers who fail basic tests over and over and over again and have still been in the classroom instructing students, and the difference between having a good teacher and having a poor teacher can be measured in student achievement results. (One lecture I attended pointed out that most children improve their achievement at least slightly from year to year, just by growing older and being more exposed to life, so if the student's achievement declines in a given year, what should we learn from that information?)

Teacher quality is definitely an area where we should focus, but sadly I see so many areas in need of improvement that it is hard to determine where to go from here. There are reports of the Department of Education offering grants to programs who seek to revolutionize education and find radical new ways to instruct students (of course I did a bit of searching and still haven't found how one applies for said grants). This is, perhaps, a decent way to get people together, brainstorming how to reform our current out-dated and ineffective system. A few questions I have had:

• Why are we still on an agrarian model for a school year? Most students are not out harvesting wheat and other crops in the summer.
• How much time is necessary in school each day or week?
• Have studies been done on schools that are year-round, meet more (or less) frequently, or use credit-by-proficiency models instead of seat-time based models of instruction? If so, where are these studies, and if not, why not?

I think that looking at the education system can be so overwhelming at times. It works well for a good portion of kids. But what about those that fall through the cracks? How can we help them? And how can we close the achievement gap among our own students and the achievement gap between the United States and other countries? I obviously don't have the answers right now, but I am looking.