Sometimes I wonder what it takes to find "the last straw." I have a deep well of patience tried and tested over a life that feels longer than its mere chronology. And so sometimes I wonder what makes the difference between someone who is patient, loving, and forgiving, and someone who is just a sucker.
Perhaps the difference is that the sucker keeps going back to the situation while a patient and loving person can say "I love you, but I am not doing this again." Maybe it's about boundaries.
I am a sucker.
(I wrote a bunch and when I tried to post I got an error message. This is all that was saved. Needless to say it does not improve my mood! Ever have one of those says when you think it might feel really, really good to throw something through a window? Welcome to my life.)
I think you're right - it's about boundaries. Patience, love, and forgiveness are something freely, cheerfully, and willingly given. If it's out of compulsion or "I had to" or anything else that makes you resent it/him/her... well then, better not done at all. Patience, love, and forgiveness know how to say "no," even when it breaks your heart. The sucker says "yes," because he/she wants some sort of reward (like appreciation, being thought of as a yes-person, being seen as a martyr, being liked by the suck-ee, having *felt* that you'd done a good deed, not having to deal with someone else's anger, etc.)
ReplyDeleteSometimes I'm patient/loving/forgiving, sometimes I'm a sucker. But I think I'm getting much better at saying "no"...