So I'm back. Back to blogging. Back to housework. Back to job interviews. Back to being unemployed. Back to trying to figure out what in the heck I want to do with my life.
I think I see a problem. I've held a lot of jobs in my life: babysitter, office manager, test processor, curriculum writer, tutor, teacher, administrator and a bazillion other things. However, I've never held a job for three or more years. Never. Ever. Not on purpose. There were several jobs that I loved and would've gladly stayed in for years. But most of the time in my life I end up being the person whose contract ends, the one who gets letters that says she's the most incredible worker and the best at her job and it's a shame she was RIF-ed. And so this time around I wanted to find a job that I would be happy to stay in for at least three years, preferably five.
I don't know what that job looks like.
And the most difficult thing about being stuck in this place is that I don't know where I want to be in five or ten years and so I can't really plan what I need to do to get there. With school it was different and I ran full steam ahead to reach the end of the road. With students it is different because I can listen to them and then articulate what they want and the steps needed to get there. When it comes to me I am stuck.
Someone once told me it was because I was good at doing a lot of different things and so I get distracted. This may be true.
Last month, I went through an identity exercise, courtesy of my dear friend Jan. She created My Brand of Teaching and designed a workshop called The Big Brand Build. Going through that process helped me define myself and my talents and see how I could utilize them in a number of fields. It helped me see that I am valuable. But now I need to figure out how that turns into a career and some income.
Today I had a job interview for a job I could do in a district I don't care about. The job pays really, really well -- especially compared to my last job. But it's a job with late hours at night so I'd never see my family. There are other issues -- some major -- with the job as well, but the main problem for me is that I would never be home in the evening during the week (I'd get home around 10PM). Now I do believe that a difficult job that leads to something better, something I'd love, is fine for short term. But does this particular job actually lead to something better? I don't see it.
Later this week -- on Friday -- I meet with a director of a new start-up about a possible job there doing something that I love and that I've been doing for the past couple years. Being a new company, the pay might be low and inconsistent for the first year...or two...and so if I were just making a decision based on finances, I would choose the other job. But I want some place where I'd be happy. Some place flexible. Some place where I can be effective.
And I still don't know where that is.
A number of people have told me "A job is a job." But money can't buy happiness [and to my siblings, "Money can't buy knives."].
And apparently a doctorate still doesn't tell you what you want to be when you grow up.