Friday, December 2, 2011

A silent scream (or maybe a bit of hair pulling)

Dear Readers, please feel free to ignore this.  I just needed to scream and pull my hair in frustration.  If, however, you do decide to read this and you have advice, I'm all ears...
WTF is wrong with people?  Seriously!  Having heard from The Cougar (formerly known as Bestie #2) a total of three times in the month of November -- once at First Friday Family Dinner, once the weekend before Thanksgiving wondering what "we" were doing for the holiday (in the past this has meant "Why don't you plan everything and make most of the food and host it at your house and just tell me what dish or two to bring"), and once (in a message) a few days before the holiday expressing dismay over my communicated decision to celebrate the holiday alone -- I now get a lengthy e-mail as if no time has gone by and there are no issues.  Amazing.  The email was newsy -- what the parents and grandparents are up to, how she spent the Thanksgiving holiday, how she has to reapply to the graduate program because it's been a year and a half since she took a class -- and included a question: "By the way, are you still holding first Friday dinners? I wasn't sure since you haven't sent out any reminders (not that I have a Facebook page in order to respond) for a couple months."  Really??  The dinners you've attended without fail for nearly a year and a half (since they started), the last of which was on the last first Friday of the month, those dinners?  Am I still...?!?!?

Perhaps this is a legitimate question.  I was, after all, considering calling off family dinners for the foreseeable future.  After some discussion with Honey I decided not to do that but, instead, just not have much contact with family the rest of each month.  I think it's a fair compromise and good for my mental health.  And so perhaps this was just a legitimate effort to see if dinner was still on.

But I am very frustrated.  I do not consider us friends any more, although I am always friendly and polite.  Yet she's always had everything handed to her, everything smoothed over, life made easy.  She chooses friends and when to keep the and for how long and never puts forth effort into a friendship, knowing that the others in the relationship will take care of it for her.  So I stop...and she doesn't make an effort to reach out because she's never had to do that.  Does she still think we're best friends?

On the one hand I want to just confront the issue and be done.  Yet I hesitate because she is currently exhibiting the behaviors and maturity of a 15 year old -- and as we all know, age 15 is the worst age: they think they know everything and absolutely refuse to listen to anyone.  I don't want to initiate a conversation because I believe she would be more receptive to listening if she initiates -- the same as teenagers are more willing to take the advice of a teacher or mentor if they ask for that opinion or advice.

This whole situation is frustrating.  Just when I think "Well, at least I don't have to deal with it anymore" something pops up -- like an e-mail that says nothing and yet says everything.

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