Water, water everywhere...gives a good excuse for a deep cleaning!

Every few years we have enough rain or snow to experience severe flooding.  Not midwestern-my-house-floated-into-the-next-county flooding, but the type that washes out roads, downs large trees, and floods basements.  This year is such a year.  We got nearly five inches of rain in five days, and two of those inches landed today. In my basement. Yes.  And so for the second time since we bought this house (five years ago next month!), we spent a day fighting the rising tides, trying to reclaim our home.

I could be very upset. And, truth be told, I am a tiny bit cranky. My plans for several days are quashed, replaced by MEMA (Marie's Emergency Management Agency) and the massive clean-up required.  My whole body aches from hours of carrying five-gallon buckets full of water out of the house.  These things are true.  And yet I am determined to count my blessings.

• Blessing #1: I don't have a job that makes me leave the house all day, so I was able to catch the flooding in time.
• Blessing #2: A friend posted about the flooding around his work at noon today, prompting me to think "Oh, it's been an hour since I checked on the basement to make sure it wasn't flooding -- maybe I check again" at which point I noticed the entire basement was flooded with an inch of rapidly-rising water entering at both sides of the house.
• Blessing #3: Honey has a job that allowed him to rush home to help. (He may be sitting and working now at 9PM to make up for it, but at least he was able to drop everything at noon!)
• Blessing #4: Thin Man is my one reliable sibling in the area -- I can call, say "Emergency!" and know he'll be over to help.
• Blessing #5: We had all the supplies on hand from the last time our area had severe flooding -- two sump pumps, a wet shop vac, mops, buckets, and the knowledge of how to solve the problem.
• Blessing #6: It only took us five hours to get most of the water out. Fans are blowing, rugs are rolled up, and furniture is off the floor in an effort to get the last of the water dried out over night.
• Blessing #7: This took place during the day.  Last time the basement flooded it was New Year's Day.  Just barely.  We were coming back from celebrating with friends and I decided to check the dryer, only to step into the basement and find myself standing in water. I was (of course) a little buzzed and very tired and just wanted to sleep but ended up spending the next eight hours bailing water. (Side note: That was the last time I ever stayed up until midnight for New Year's.)
• Blessing #8: This forces a deep cleaning. I'm a fairly clean person -- I vacuum every day, mop every week, and tend to keep a tidy house.  This forces me into "spring cleaning," but that's okay -- I like a clean house and it will smell good by the end of the weekend.

Wow, that's a lot of blessings!  I guess this day wasn't so bad after all.

An unexpected gift of time

Of all the things in my life, one of the most precious is time.  Perhaps that's because it seems like there is never enough of it.  The to-do list is a mile long (on an "easy" day), the demands of others draining, and the rising and setting of the sun a constant reminder that life is moving regardless of whether we've used or wasted the day.  That is why I find time so precious, although it is something that cannot be truly quantified, contained, measured, grasped.  It's like trying to hold light -- you may think you've captured a beam, but when you look inside your cupped hands all you see is darkness.

I cannot bind time to me, but I can appreciate it and use it.  That is why one of the most valuable gifts is the gift of time, an unexpected hour or evening or day that once was full is suddenly empty. The possibilities for that time seem endless.

What shall I do with today's unexpected gift? My mind revels in the possibilities, my body takes a breath of peace, and my heart sends up a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessing of time.

Sometimes difficult decisions are suddenly easy

As I mentioned in a previous post, for several days I have been anxious about the situation with The Teenager, wondering if I should or would hear an apology on Tuesday and decide that he could still live here.  Honey and I talked about it before I picked The Teenager up from school and determined that if it looked like he was penitent, like he wanted to continue living here, then we would take that into consideration.  Either decision, at the time, seemed very difficult...and then we had the conversation.

It did not go well.  Can I be surprised that he was not in the least bit apologetic for his actions when he is a person who believes deceit and manipulation are acceptable, even laudable behaviors?  Can I be surprised that this is the way the conversation turned out when The Crazymaker was sitting there by his side justifying his actions, saying that all teenagers lie and manipulate and so she wasn't sure why we were making such a big deal about this?  I'm not surprised, just heart-sick.  And I wish that I had family I could respect and trust and want to be around, but that does not appear to be my lot in life.  

Our home is childless once more.

Yet every dark cloud has a silver lining, and ours is this: Honey has a quiet house back and I have a room for crafts (or at least I will this weekend once all of The Teenager's stuff is packed and moved).  Life will return to normal.

The past eight months have been extremely difficult.  This is not the only situation that has caused stress.  Since March I have finished a dissertation, argued with a university over receiving my diploma, tried raising a surly teenager, had another brother move in with us for a few months at the end of the summer, had yet another (teenage) brother prove, through a series of actions, that he is totally untrustworthy, lost a best friend who decided that sleeping with a child was more important than our eight year friendship, lost my job and started job searching, gardened and harvested and learned new skills, lost extended family members to illness, and have taken classes to try to discover the inner me and some spiritual gifts.  Rather a lot to handle, I'd say, and I'm always tired.  The trees and plants outside are preparing for winter, for a rest in preparation for another growing season, and I find myself relating to their efforts.

To that end, I think that this year will be the first year Honey and I refuse to celebrate Thanksgiving with any members of the family (from either side).  For a number of years we rotated through the families, sharing Thanksgiving with the in-laws one year, my family the next, until about four years ago when we moved in to our current house and it was large enough for me to host my family and Bestie #2's family here. I worked hard to put Thanksgiving together each year since.  This year will be different, perhaps even the start of a new tradition -- me and Honey alone, eating what we want (which is not traditional Thanksgiving food -- except pumpkin pie, I must have pumpkin pie), and enjoying each other's company instead of dealing with family nonsense.  I think it could be a worthwhile new tradition.

Birthday Wishes

Like many people, there are days when I struggle with insecurity, days when I feel like I am just making up memories and accomplishments.  Today is not one of those days.  It is a good day.  My birthday.  And to celebrate my birthday some of my former students sent me well-wishes.  Most were of the "I hope you have a lovely day" variety, but I've decided to keep some of them here so that I can look back and see what they had to say on those days when I need just a bit of encouragement.

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I wanted to write you on your birthday and let you know how glad I am that this day exists. Without you I wouldn't have discovered a true passion of mine, I wouldn't have faith in the education system anymore, and I wouldn't believe that a teacher would have the capability to care beyond a test. I'm so glad that out of all the possibilities in life that you were born and happened to be a part of my life, because I am truly a better person for it. 

I hope you know how much you are adored by all your former students. I also hope that today is everything you hope for it and that you get a chance to relax, a contrast to your perpetual need to help others. 

Have a wonderful day.

(Luke B.)

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Happy birthday!!! Hope your day is as amazing as you are :-)

(Brittany J.)

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thank you is not adequate to explain how grateful I am for all that you have done and continue to do for me, I was telling one of my kids the other day that the reason I do so much for them is because when I was 18 and needed someone to talk me down that I had people like you, so thank you. happy birthday.

(Rebecca D.)

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[And then a note from earlier this week but not a birthday wish....]

I will never forget something you told me in a past post, "Sometimes people from your past dissapear because they don't belong in your future" Not said exactly like you said it, I couldn't find the post. But I will always hold true to that. Thank you for always commenting on my statuses, you have such wise things to say that help me so much with the hard times I am going through. Thank you.

(Gabby P.)

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I keep telling my kids that I appreciate all of their kind words, but they are the ones that inspire me to work hard and help others.  I love my kids!

Update: A student posted a day late after realizing her birthday wishes were not saved on FB (stupid FB), so here's another one I should save:
I hope this new year brings you great things (and a killer job!). You are an amazing person who gives so much to everyone. You are a true role model and a wonderful inspiration. :-) I am so happy I had you as a teacher.
(Alisha F.)